Honest and Open with the Lord, R.S.

I was raised in the local church; it is all I have ever known. My parents and most of my extended family are genuine Christians who love the Lord and whose lives are for God's eternal purpose (Ephesians 3:11). With this as a base I received the Lord when I was eight and got baptized when I was twelve. I remember many experiences of spending time with the Lord and His affecting my life while I was growing up. In my years at University I got a bit bored with it all. I had stopped having personal experiences with God and was just doing outward things.

In Hamilton, a city close to mine was the full-time training, a Bible school training you to know the Lord in a personal way, to know the Bible and to care for others' spiritual growth. I had the thought that for me to progress as a Christian, I needed to join the training. Because my relationship with the Lord was not that good, I wasn't that keen to go. So, after I finished my degree, I told the Lord all the reasons why I didn't want to go. During the following year, one by one He dealt with them all, even up to the very last day before I was to go.

Once at the training I was put in a position where I had the opportunity to just be open to God. We had a class on confession, and then we were given a few hours to spend with Him, confessing and emptying ourselves. I started by singing a hymn:

I stand amazed in the presence of Jesus the Nazarene

and wonder how He could love me, a sinner, condemned, unclean.

How marvelous! How wonderful!

And my song shall ever be

How marvelous! How wonderful!

Is my Savior's love for me. (Hymns, #290)

I was bawling, as for the first time in a long time I unloaded my sins onto the Lord, really desiring to please Him and know Him. That night I felt so happy, so clean, I didn't want to do anything in case that feeling went away.

Since then I have completed the training, gotten married and worked. I have been realizing more and more that I was created to contain God in my spirit (John 4:24). Because of this basic fact nothing else will satisfy me and make me as happy as enjoying this God in my spirit and pursuing Him throughout my whole life. A life not given to Him will only frustrate me.